Once again I have put the link to the fundraising for Gretel: I feel very strongly that the more it is promoted the more we may be able to help.
I have written, then deleted, re written this post many times: finally I have decided that there are too many of us who find speaking of grief hard and it should not be shied away from. The ones left behind often lose their voices for a time, then when they find them again the world has often moved on from them, no longer having the time to listen. When it is time to break the silence we all need someone to just listen.
The news about Gretel was a shocking start to the week; I had no idea that it would kick start a set of feelings I was not at all prepared to deal with. I too lost someone close (my Uncle, my Dad's youngest brother and the uncle closest to my brothers and me). He left us in similar circumstances and he left us with the same maelstrom of feelings I suspect is engulfing Gretel right now.
At the time I had no idea how to deal with the grief so it got put away inside a box of anger. We stopped talking about him. It was not that he had ceased to matter it was just that none of us knew how to cope. As time went by we got used to the habit of not talking about him and as such never really dealt with his loss properly.
Twenty or so years later I have found that the grief was ready to come out of the box of anger, that had been coated in a layer of forgetfulness. At first all I wanted to do was keep the silence, organise inside me the memories and weep awhile. Little by little this has all risen to the surface and I have finally faced up to and spoken of the loss and grief that has been bottled up. Blessedly, my mum has been staying with us this week and I have been able to talk with her. Together we have had the time to reflect and respond.
Each loss of this sort is different and the rent in our personal world is different for each of us. I cannot and will not compare my loss with Gretel's; they are too personal to each of us (the same goes for any one who has experienced similar). But for each of us there is a need for silence, noise, sadness and eventually the ability to recapture the joys.